Now, Really.....

"Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld said there's a good chance we never get bin Laden. Hah! We couldn't even get O.J...." —Jay Leno

"The government released that tape of Osama bin Laden and if you watched it, you know Osama bin Laden is not only evil, but really, really boring. And could he be more guilty? Even O.J.'s going 'Come on, you know he did it.'" —Jay Leno

"An interim government has been set up in Afghanistan which includes two women, one of whom will be Minister of Women's Affairs. Man, who'd she have to show her ankles to to get that job?" —Tina Fey on Saturday Night Live's "Weekend Update"

"More bad news for the Taliban. Remember how they are promised 72 virgins when they die? Turns out that it's only one 72-year-old virgin." —Jay Leno

"Osama bin Laden has hired 10 look-alikes. Now, how hard up do you have to be before you take that job? There's no way to win! If Osama dies, you don't get paid. If you're found, you get killed." —Jay Leno

"Osama bin Laden has ten look-alikes to fool us Americans. Ten look-alikes, and he's married to five of them." —David Letterman