The Gospel According to Jay.

A couple of observations from His Humourousness, Mr. Leno:

• Al Jazeera aired a new tape of Osama bin Laden. It was the usual stuff, he called Bush evil, the Great Satan, called him a warmonger. Basically, the same thing you heard at last night's Democratic debate.


• An Israeli man's life was saved when he was given a Palestinian man's heart in a heart transplant operation. The guy is doing fine, but the bad news is, he can't stop throwing rocks at himself.

Bloody Armor, Part 2

In an earlier post, I gave a link to an article discussing how the Army demanded from a wounded soldier reimbursement for the armor that got bloody and cut when he was shot. Then I mentioned we should demand a refund from the U.N. for all the money we gave them that they squandered in corruption and scandal.

For those who think I'm a paranoid conspiracy monger about the U.N., here are the accusations straight from the horse's mouth, an American ambassador to the U.N.

John Bolton Blasts U.N. [link to Yahoo News]

Now, Really.....

"Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld said there's a good chance we never get bin Laden. Hah! We couldn't even get O.J...." —Jay Leno

"The government released that tape of Osama bin Laden and if you watched it, you know Osama bin Laden is not only evil, but really, really boring. And could he be more guilty? Even O.J.'s going 'Come on, you know he did it.'" —Jay Leno

"An interim government has been set up in Afghanistan which includes two women, one of whom will be Minister of Women's Affairs. Man, who'd she have to show her ankles to to get that job?" —Tina Fey on Saturday Night Live's "Weekend Update"

"More bad news for the Taliban. Remember how they are promised 72 virgins when they die? Turns out that it's only one 72-year-old virgin." —Jay Leno

"Osama bin Laden has hired 10 look-alikes. Now, how hard up do you have to be before you take that job? There's no way to win! If Osama dies, you don't get paid. If you're found, you get killed." —Jay Leno

"Osama bin Laden has ten look-alikes to fool us Americans. Ten look-alikes, and he's married to five of them." —David Letterman

More Frog Jokes.

Q: Where can you find 60 million French jokes?
A: In France.
------------------------------------------------------------
A cannibal went into the butcher shop to buy some brains for dinner. She saw that American and British brains were $4.95 per lb and French brains were $450.00 per lb. She gasped and asked the butcher if the price of the French brains were a misprint.
"No ma'm," answered the butcher. "That is the correct price." "Well, why are the French brains so expensive?" exclaimed the cannibal. "Do you know how many Frenchmen it takes to get a pound of brains?" replied the butcher.
-------------------------------------------------------------
Q: Wy didn't the French want to bomb Saddam Hussein?
A: He hates America, he loves mistresses and he wears a beret.
Conan O'Brien
-------------------------------------------------------------
Q: Why do the French call their fighter the "Mirage"?
A: Because it's never seen in a combat zone.
-------------------------------------------------------------
Q: What do you call a French fighter coming to the rescue
of American and British soldiers in the Iraqi desert?
A: a "Mirage."
--------------------------------------------------------------
Q: Why do French naval ships have glass bottoms?
A: To see all their other ships.
--------------------------------------------------------------
Q: Why do the French use a lot of bleach on their sheets?
A: So you can see their white flags better.
---------------------------------------------------------------
Going to war without the French is like going hunting without an accordion.
---------------------------------------------------------------
The French are to warfare what the British are to cooking.
---------------------------------------------------------------
Q: How did the French react to German reunification?
A: They put speed bumps at the borders to slow down the Panzers.
---------------------------------------------------------------
Q: Why is it good to be French?
A: You can surrender at the beginning of a war, and America will win it for you.
---------------------------------------------------------------
Q: What is the French battle flag?
A: Three white fleur-de-lys on a white background.
---------------------------------------------------------------
Q: Why do Frenchmen always wear yellow ties?
A: To match their teeth.
---------------------------------------------------------------
Q: How do you stop a French tank?
A: Shoot the guy that's pushing it.
---------------------------------------------------------------
Q: Why do Frenchmen have moustaches?
A: To remind them of their mothers.
---------------------------------------------------------------
Q: How many French soldiers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Five: one to sit on his butt and watch and do nothing.
one to turn tail and run.
one to roll over and play dead.
one to surrender to the light bulb and snitch out occupied sockets.
and one to pick up a phone and cry to the United States.
---------------------------------------------------------------
Q: How many Frenchmen does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: All of them -- One to screw in the bulb, the rest to brag about how great the French are at screwing.
---------------------------------------------------------------
Q: What does "Maginot" mean in German?
A: Welcome!
---------------------------------------------------------------
Q: How many Frenchman does it take to guard Paris?
A: Nobody knows, its never been tried.
---------------------------------------------------------------
Q: What color is the American flag?
A: Red, White, and Blue.
Q: What color is the British flag?
A: Red, White, and Blue.
Q: What color is the French flag?
A: White.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: What do you call 100,000 Frenchmen with their hands up?
A: The Army.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: What did France used to be called?
A: Germany, and then we saved them.
---------------------------------------------------------------
Q: What's the difference between a Frenchwoman and a werewolf?
A. The Frenchwoman is not quite as hairy but the werewolf smells better
-----------------------------------------------

vive la france!

Gimme That Ole' Time, "Peaceful" Religion....

It seems that a cartoon, no more than ink and paper, is enough to send these people into childish tantrums. For crying out loud, grow the F* up. Get over it, morons.

[click image for news article]

Who's Laughing Now?

Years ago, liberals of all stripes laughed at populist Ross Perot, who warned of the dangers hidden in the N.A.F.T.A. treaty that was being signed.

Since then, we've seen business after business close up shop and "outsource" their labor to foreign countries, and American property rights being given away to foreign powers.

We've also seen government abuses listed in this article from The New Hampshire Gazette (a liberal paper, believe it or not.) It seems liberals have a short memory about things they actively endorsed only a few years ago.

Be My Politically Correct Valentine

[click image for larger view]

SoThere's this Whitehouse Intern, and Then....

Q: What's the difference between Monica
Lewinsky and the rest of us?

A: To get some dick in the White House,
the rest of us just voted!

[courtesy of http://www.joke-around.com]

The Right Way, The Wrong Way, and The Army Way.

Here's something that only "tax-n-spend" Democrats could think up.

The Army demanded repayment from a soldier for his bloodied armor after he was wounded.

Read the AOL News article here.

Now, if only we could demand repayment from the U.N. for all the dues we've been paying them, after they blew it all on corruption and graft in the Iraqi "Oil For Food Program."

Wo Unto You, Scribes, Pharisees, and Kennedys!

Old Mr. Ted, or "rosy-nose" as my buddy likes to call him, has taken a hard stance agains the war in Iraq, insisting on maintaining a moral high-ground.

It seems to me that Ted Kennedy doesn't have much room to talk about what's "right."

Why, you may ask? Click the link for full details about

CHAPPAQUIDDICK

if anyone is in need of a reminder.

God Saved the Queen, But America Saved their A*@#%&.

An American sailor put some message bottles into the ocean off Long Island. One of the bottles was found and then answered by a snooty Brit, a certain Mr. Henry Biggelsworth of Bournemouth, in Dorset County, England.

Here's what Henry said: "I recently found your bottle while taking a scenic walk on the beach by Poole Harbour. While you may consider this some profound experiment on the path and speed of oceanic currents, I have another name for it, 'litter'. You Americans don't seem to be happy unless you are mucking about somewhere."

Well, Mr. Bigglesworth. So sorry that the beaches and meadows of France are "littered" with the bones of dead American soldiers who saved your ungrateful, rotten-toothed, umbrella twirling, Union Jack butt-wiping ASS, not once but TWICE within the same century.

(source: CBS NEWS)

any questions?

On Global Warming...

“There's a lot of differing data, but as far as I can gather, over the last hundred years the temperature on this planet has gone up 1.8 degrees. Am I the only one who finds that amazingly stable? I could go back to my hotel room tonight and futz with the thermostat for three to four hours. I could not detect that difference.”

-- Dennis Miller

So This Guy Walks Into a Bar....

A man askes his companion, "What's the most common French expression?"
His friend scratches his head for a moment, then raises his hands and replies, "I give up!"
---------------------------------
Q: What's the best place to hide your money?
A: Under a Frenchman's soap.
---------------------------------
Ad for a French rifle on sale at Ebay:
"Never been fired and it's been dropped only once."
---------------------------------
French tanks have 6 gears, 5 reverse and 1 forward. The forward gear exists in case they are attacked from behind.
---------------------------------
Q: What do you do if a Frenchman throws a hand-grenade at you?
A: Take the pin out and throw it back.
---------------------------------
Q: What do you do if a Frenchman throws a pin at you?
A: Run like hell - he's still got a hand-grenade between his teeth.

Jokes brought to you courtesy of Burn This Flag, A* H*le!

IF PEARL HARBOR HAPPENED TODAY...

I wonder if she called out "amen!"

"Following revelations that he fathered a love child, the good Reverend Jesse Jackson — or should we say the "very" good Reverend — is enduring the scandal with the help of family and friends. A scandal which gives clearer meaning to the Rainbow Coalition's "Operation 'Push'." —Jon Stewart

"It gives new meaning to affirmative action. She said, 'Do you want some action?' He said, 'Affirmative.'" —Jay Leno, on Jesse Jackson's extramarital affair

Walter Komrade-kite and Hoofin-Mouth Disease

In recent remarks, Walter Cronkite stated he believed we should withdraw from Iraq "with honour," implying that our continued presence there is without honor. The only thing without honor is his continual opposition to the best interests of this nation. While terrorists are enemies abroad, Cronkite and his whining defeatism is an enemy at home, a traitor.

Cronkite goes further to state that Dan Rather was a "victim" in the phony document scandal that erupted just before he retired. The only thing Dan Rather was a victim of was his "lie at any cost" ethics in order to oppose our national interests.

Cronkite's pronouncement in 1968 that Vietnam was "unwinnable" was more than just a mere expression of opinion, it was a propoganda effort specifically intended to bring about opposition to our national security interests. We lost Vietnam because of traitors at home, not because of strategic failures in battle as he claims.

I nominate Cronkite to be an "honour-ary" recipient of the "Dixie-Chyks Memorial Boneheaded Media BigMouth" award. It's a tie between him, Peter "Canuck" Jennings, Dan "Blather," and Nightline's Ted "Kommie" Koppel.

My Enemy is My Teacher

So many of my conservative "comrades" are so busy intellectualizing the political process in the style of William F. Buckley, that they have no clue how to get their message actually ACROSS, the way liberals do.

Check out "The FreeWay Blogger", a liberal blogsite that shows the grassroots techniques of propagandizing that I wish conservatives would make more use of.

Another example of liberal ingenuity is flash mobs. So many conservatives are too stiff and patrician to resort to such human intimacy, yet the liberals are cleaning our clocks in the gut-level political awareness game. A friend of mine took risks by scrawling "Clinton sucks, Monica blows" in red ink on dollar bills, but that's as far as I've seen.

Friends, we need to take it to the streets. If you don't have the hearts and minds of the masses, you have nothing.

As If there Wasn't Enough In Real Life...

For those people who enjoy "hack-n-slash" movies, the recent release "Hostel" directed by Eli Roth is sure to please, with enough intense blood and gore to rival a Kansas slaughter-house in Autumn. The thing that really bothers me is that people fork over perfectly good money to revel in theatrical violence, when they can get real violence just as bloody for practically next to nothing.

If it's gore they're looking for, why not make a movie about the horrendous tortures enured by victims of Communism? Case in point: the Cambodian people under Pol Pot's regime. At the Toul Sleng Interrogation Center women, children, and even infants (!) were accused of treason against the state and beaten or tortured to death. Special techniques included fierce electric shock to the genitals, pulling out the fingernails, pouring hot molten rubber onto the breasts, tearing off the skin a piece at a time and throwing salt on the exposed muscles, and so on ad nauseum.

I DARE HOLLYWOOD -- I dare them to make movies that tell the truth about the brutalities and crimes against humanity committed by communist regimes across the world. I dare them to show it in full, bloody detail, if they're so interested in "hack-n-slash" movies.

Hollywood will never take me up on that dare.

Hollywood will never admit that they have had a love affair with Communism since the 1930's. While pampered writers were whining about "The Blacklist," innocent civilians and american soldiers suffered, bled, and died horrible deaths under Communism. Hollywood prefers to pump out drivel like "Hostel," rather than film the full truth.

They don't have the cajones.



Just to show I'm open minded, here's a link to a LIBERAL blog post that criticizes Republican policies on torture (rightly so, I'll even admit) but it makes my case for the atrocities at Tuol Sleng

Mom! There's Liberals Under My Bed!

Be the first in your party cell to get this humorous satire of liberal shenanigens.


CLICK THE PHOTO to purchase.